Over the weekend I stumbled across an article by US journalist Luis Pabon entitled Why I No Longer Want To Be Gay. The gist of it was that he doesn’t want to be gay because he doesn’t enjoy the stereotypical lifestyle that goes with it. To sum it up in a quote, he longs for the day when “a guy would greet you and offer you a drink as opposed to his cock size and sexual stats” (because those sort of guys don’t exist anymore, right?).
I’m not going to dwell too much on that particular blogger, but I was stunned to see several gay people I know sharing the article, along with a comment such as “so true” or “i can sympathise with this entirely”.
Firstly, anyone that thinks promiscuity is exclusively gay really should get out more. There are apps and clubs for straight people too, and trust me, they use them! Likewise, there are gay people who are strictly monogamous and not into random “meets”. It’s ridiculous to generalise and make a judgement based on a stereotype, particularly when you are part of a group of society that regularly falls victim to stereotyping.
I once knew of a young gay man who was coming to terms with his sexuality, and decided to explore it by heading to a local gay club. He decided he didn’t enjoy it, and within months he’d made the decision to live as a woman. Because he didn’t like the gay club. I’m sure (and hope) there was more to it than that (and who am I to judge) but I’m amazed at the people that think being gay means constant clubbing and promiscuous behaviour by default.
While we’re talking about generalising, there has always been a rather snobbish attitude that some gay people take to gay clubbing (“the gay scene”). They take a sweeping view that the scene is only frequented by self-centred, bitchy vain types who don’t have an ounce of sympathy or feeling between them. Well guess what, you find those people everywhere. My first job was in an office of about 100 people and not a day went by without someone having a bitch. Did this put me off ever working in an office again? No, because common sense told me there were people in the office who, like me, didn’t enjoy the bitching either. If you extend this to friendship groups (if your current group of friends are nasty, does it put you off having friends forever?) it seems even more ridiculous.
Having said this, it is perfectly reasonable that a gay person doesn’t want to go to a gay club for any number of reasons, and again, this doesn’t mean you’re less gay. It’s not even an issue, it’s just not your thing, and certainly not something to smugly announce.
I digress. In his blog entry, Pabon notes that he turned to “alcohol, drugs, sex and parties” in a bit to “assert his identity” as a gay man. Maybe here lies the foundation of his resentment. From such an early point in his life, he incorrectly associated “gay” with many aspects of life that he now loathes. In an age where gay people have been afforded so many equal rights (in the UK/US at least), it seems awful that someone could use their own personal issues to project such hatred on an entire sexuality.
It’s simple. If you are gay, and not happy with your lifestyle, you can change your lifestyle without changing your sexuality. There is no such thing as a ‘gay lifestyle’, in the same way there is no such thing as ‘gay music’ (don’t get me started on that one!).
There are many different types of lifestyle out there, and there are many gay people that adopt them.
And who are we to judge any of them?